


Marry Me, Illumi Zoldyck ♡

by ShipperFanatic



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gay Panic, Hisoka is a sexually frustrated clown, Illumi and his long black hair, Illumi headcanons, Illumi x shower confirmed, M/M, Manga Spoilers, highly based on Chapter 377, hisoillu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29840481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperFanatic/pseuds/ShipperFanatic
Summary: Or how Hisoka got Illumi say yes to the engagement and an early honeymoon.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Kudos: 47





	Marry Me, Illumi Zoldyck ♡

**Author's Note:**

> I still don't know how my imagination leaped from Hisoka and Illumi eating ice cream together to this. But, I definitely had fun writing it (though for a long time got stuck at the last part >.<). Anyway, this is how I imagined their engagement would have transpired. Please enjoy (•‿•)

Illumi Zoldyck is not a nitpicky person. Raised as an assassin, he learned to adapt to the most unfavorable circumstances. If it means getting the job done, then he would not mind digging a hole just so he can have a place to stay near his target. However, as a top-class assassin, most of his clients and targets are wealthy influential people. That's why Illumi always end up staying in hotels.

Illumi does not have a lot of preferences. Aside from the pleasure he gets from his work, the pride for his family, and Killua, Illumi had also taken a liking in taking showers. His long silky hair damp from his back, the constant course of water travelling from his face down to his chest up until his knees, the noise coming from the showers. These little things relaxes Illumi's mind and removes his exhaustion. So as much as possible, he will pick the place with a great shower.

The eldest Zoldyck had just finished his evening round of showers. Fortunately, his target happens to be a famous collector so staying in a fancy hotel that guarantee a great shower will not be of detriment in his job.

Sitting in front of the mirror, Illumi, wearing dark green pajamas, began to blow dry his long black hair. With the upper part of his hair in a ponytail, Illumi started working with the lower portion. It is a very peaceful and silent night. Not a single noise can be heard except for the air that comes out from the hair blower.

When Illumi was satisfied, he untied the upper part and patiently dried his hair. He was currently working on the left side when his phone started ringing. The lights blinked once before it died. Illumi was still busy with his hair so he paid it no mind. He had already secured his target and planned his assassination. He never fails on his calculations.

Seconds later, it rang again. Just like the first one, the lights only blinked once before it died. Illumi who is now finished in the grueling task of drying his hair, went to pick up his phone placed on the bedside table. Illumi now has an inkling idea on who the caller might be and he is a hunded percent sure this is currently not job related.

It had been 15 seconds since the last call, the next should be in 3, 2, 1...

"Hisoka."

_"Illumi, it seems that you're not busy. You picked up the phone too fast ♡"_

Illumi sighed at the cheerful sing-song tune from the magician. He may have not known Hisoka for too long, but he knows that something good must have happened.

"Yes, I just finished drying my hair." Illumi sat on the edge and laid his upper body on the King-sized bed. "Also, I was about to go sleep."

One of the aftereffects of taking a shower is drowsiness, the assassin once argued.

_"How tiring ☆ By the way, where are you?"_

"Redhill hotel." Illumi did his best to stifle down a yawn. "If you're going to request for something, then I will have to decline. As you can see, I'm on a job."

_"Don't worry, this one isn't urgent. It's best enjoyed in the long run♡ "_

His remark made Illumi slightly knit his eyebrows. What does he mean by long run? If he's going to make Illumi disguise as Hisoka again for an extended period of time, the assassin will surely refuse.

"What is it then?"

As if on cue, Illumi felt a very familiar aura invading his En. Sitting up, the eldest Zoldyck saw Hisoka sitting on the windowsill, a sly overconfident smile plastered in his lips. In a long sweet drawl, the magician muttered,

**"Marry me, Illumi Zoldyck ♡ "**

Contrary to what he said, Illumi felt an aura burst of bloodlust and malicious intent. Without the moon and stars to light up the black sky, Hisoka's yellow orbs menacingly glowed in the dark shadowing those of a predator, just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce at his prey.

Seemingly affected from Hisoka's aura, the assassin smirked.

"What are the conditions? How much will I get?"

Releasing some bloodlust himself, some of Illumi's hair strands raised slightly.

_I am an assassin. I am never meant to be a prey._

"Kill me and get all of my money ♡ " Hisoka shuffled from his seat and reached into his pocket. "As per our engagement ring, I'd give you a prenup where even if I die, you'd still be able to get the money ♡ "

He pulled out a deck of cards. With quick precise movements, he started shuffling it. Maintaining eye contact with the Illumi, he concluded. "I wouldn't want to be irresponsible and leave my husband without compensation after all ♡ "

A small chuckle left Illumi's lips. He is challenging him. Does he really think that he will be contented with getting the money even if he was not the one who killed the magician? No, Hisoka knew it all too well.

Illumi is an assassin. It is their job to finish the target themselves. This isn't about money. His pride and reputation as an assassin relies on this so-called engagement. Illumi closed his eyes.

He had known it.

Hisoka is an existence that purely lives in fighting strong people alone. The only reason their acquaintanceship lasted is because of a give-and-take relationship. Illumi also found some similarities in Hisoka and it seems that the latter also thinks so. Both knew and acknowledge that they are extreme and have issues. Due to this, they did not feel the need to call out each other. They think alike but is still very different. They take pleasures in things unfathomable by normal beings. Somehow, Illumi thinks, Hisoka is the person who had saw and understood the true him and vice versa.

That is why Illumi knows.

Sooner or later, the magician will come at his throat. It seems that _that_ time is now.

Opening his eyes once again, Illumi stared back at Hisoka's sadistic eyes. He was now playing little tricks with the cards, pulling one out after another, only for them to be returned and be shuffled again.

"So what do you say? Marry and kill me, Illumi ♡ ?"

With a foreign smile, Illumi answered,

"Yes, I'll marry and kill you Hisoka. As for our wedding, I'm going to bury your body in the Zoldyck state. This is the best that I can offer as your husband."

Hisoka's hands went still, the cards perfectly aligned in the spaces of his fingers.

"Hmm, Can't wait for the wedding~~"

Contrary to what Illumi expected, Hisoka's smile returned back to its usual amused self.

Sensing that the bloodlust is gone. Illumi climbed back to his bed and quickly got under the covers. Hisoka moved but instead of going out the window where he presumably entered, the said magician made a beeline towards Illumi's bed. With both hands on his hips, Hisoka grinned as he joyfully announced.

"Let's have an early honeymoon."

"What?"

* * *

Hisoka's smile inwardly grew when he saw Illumi froze for a second before knitting his eyebrows, producing a sharp glint at the manipulator's eyes.

"Are you making fun of me, Hisoka?"

Hisoka swayed his index finger while producing a 'mmm' sound. "We're fiances. It's common practice to make love ♡ " He then reproduced a joker card that seemed to appear and disappear at his will. Ahh, the perks of a magician.

"Besides, this would be the last we will be seeing each other before the big stage." Throwing the card upwards in a tilting motion, Hisoka resumed. "While I do admit that the love and chaos we will create there excites me more~~ "

Upon catching the card, Hisoka immediately displayed open his right hand to show that the joker had vanished. Slowly and tantalizingly he walked towards the side of the bed, inching closer to the suspecting Illumi.

The transmuter leaned forward as he stretched his right palm towards the assassin and even though he suddenly felt a thin cold needle pressed at his neck, Hisoka proceeded to tuck a hair from Illumi's ear,

"I want to take advantage of the benefits that comes from being engaged with the famous Illumi Zoldyck " Hisoka said as finished his little act by producing a small coriander flower.

Illumi gave Hisoka a deadpan stare.

_Hmm_ _,_ Hisoka muses. _At least I didn't got stabbed by the needle on my neck._

Silence stretched over them, one without tension but still produces a somewhat uneasy feeling. Hisoka had now retracted and is calmly sitting on the bedside table's chair. Cross-legged, he propped his chin on his hand as he awaited any kind of response from the long-haired male.

After removing a petal before placing the coriander flower on the bedside table, Illumi announced, "Okay, let's have sex."

Internally, Hisoka's grin grew wider and his slitted eyes went upwards making it more slanted than usual. Just like on multiple occasions, he could already feel something rising within him. It doesn't help when Hisoka sees Illumi's slender fingers tucking some strands of long black hair that escaped when the assassin gently smelled the coriander petal.

_Oohhh, Illumi ♡_

_You're really turning me on ♡_

An impatient voice brought Hisoka out from his stupor. "What are you waiting for Hisoka? I need to be up by 7."

Hisoka stood up. "These thing takes time Illumi dear~~" Propping one knee at the edge of the bed then wrapping his index finger around Illumi's hair, Hisoka seductively murmured, "We should take it slow. One. At. A. Time."

Despite Hisoka's seductions, Illumi appears to be as passive as ever. Even though he was just roughly pushed down the bed, Illumi indifferently stated his sentiment.

"I'm a virgin"

Both knees positioned on either side of Illumi's hips, Hisoka bent down and placed his mouth beside the manipulator's ear. Not lower than a growl, the magician breathed the answer.

_"I know."_

Repositioning his head, Hisoka crashed his li-

"Hisoka, you stink"

All blood left Hisoka's face as he froze.

He became as pale as white and with dumbfounded eyes, he stared back at a wide-eyed Illumi who also looked to be as shocked as him.

The magician quickly removed himself from the long-haired male and sat at the very bottom edge of the bed, his back facing Illumi. He drew in a sharp breath as he analyzed what had transpired.

Hisoka had never felt humiliated like this in his entire life.

Smiling awkwardly, Hisoka faced Illumi, "You know what, I'll just lea-"

**"Don't. You. Dare."**

A strong strange aura shrouded the entire room. As cliche as it sounds, Hisoka felt chills running down his spine, and also down _there._

_Ahhh Illumi's blood and lust ♡_

Illumi's hair raised in different directions. Although it had only lasted for a few seconds because sense immediately knocked into him.

Hisoka let out a short amused chuckle. Placing his right hand on his forehead, he looked at a slightly embarrassed Illumi.

The eldest Zoldyck had faint colors of pink sprinkled in his cheeks although the assassin heed it no mind for he was more concerned about the reddening of his ears. Illumi accidentally discovered it when they were younger, that time when Killua once praised him for his assassination skills. He felt his ears burn and when he checked it, both had gone red. That's when he realized that it turns crimson whenever he feels an extreme emotion that he deemed unbefitting of an assassin, just like genuine happiness and lust and embarrassment. It is also one of the reasons why Illumi chose to outgrow his hair.

"Hisoka" Illumi spoke. "You don't actually stink." He followed while averting his eyes. "Though I highly recommend a bath. It's best if we're both clean before having coitus. Additionally, their showers are great."

Left hand on his hip, Hisoka walked towards the bathroom. "Don't worry, I didn't believe you ☆ "

_I actually did._

Anyway, "Illumi?" The said magician opened the golden painted door.

Illumi looked at his direction for him to be met by the transmuter's trademark sweet smile.

"It's called love making ♡ "

Leaving him with a wink, Hisoka closed the door.

* * *

_Redhill Hotel, Yorkshin City (11:53 PM)_

" Arghh, Illumi ♡ "

"W-what?"

"I never knew that _fvck.._ that you're ear turns red when you _haah.._ find something appealing"

"What a-are you sa-aying?"

"Just like now _shit.._ Also, remember when I did... that little trick on the Coriander?"

"I'm going t-to kill y-you!"

"You better... live up to your promise."

Hisoka had claimed Illumi's lips before the latter even had the chance to answer.

* * *

A few days later, the eldest Zoldyck got hired for yet another assassination. After securing his needles, Illumi left the room, not even sparing a single glance at the black framed coriander carefully tucked at the corner of his bedside table.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. I don't know how to write smut ಥ‿ಥ Even I myself find it cringey, send help. Hahaha Anyway, I never knew Hisoka was so embarrassing to write! (ᗒᗩᗕ) I legit can't stop laughing at the "oohhh Illumi". I can hear his voice, guiding me to write it like this and like that. Also, the card trick was lame, I know. I was too lazy to search up a proper one. But hey, I did research about the Coriander representing the feeling of lust. 
> 
> If you're still reading this up until this point, thank you and here have a cookie 🍪


End file.
